There was one thing that really enticed Steven to move out to the 'burbs oh, so long ago. No, it wasn't so that he could carry on an affair in the ci

There was one thing that really enticed Steven to move out to the 'burbs oh, so long ago. No, it wasn't so that he could carry on an affair in the city, where I'd be far enough away during the day that I couldn't catch him – or so he thought. Or maybe it was. Anyway, at the time, the biggest upside to moving into the suburbs was that he could finally buy a car. If you live in New York City there’s no need for a car and you'll pay through the nose for parking. Plus, the kind of car Steven wanted was too fast for the city streets. Suffice to say, we never had one when we lived in the city.

But in the 'burbs, you can't live without a car. So when we were deciding if we should move out of the city and start seriously planting our roots, building a future together (hah! those conversations today seem so surreal!), Steven sheepishly asked me if he could get whatever car he wanted. I said yes. So he got himself got himself a BMW - he'd always wanted a Beamer. It wasn't exactly the model he wanted but it’s what we could afford to finance at the time. But earlier this year, he upgraded to a brand new silver BMW 530i. He was so ecstatic about having this car. He had a Saturday morning ritual: coffee, newspaper, car wash. You couldn't even think about drinking or eating in that car. And one time on a road trip, he even tried to make me spit out my gum.

Well, the car you're looking at in this photo is the BMW 530i. Steven’s BMW 530i. I snuck into the lot where Steven parks in the city with my friend who served as the lookout. I brought a can of black spray paint and went to town while she took these photos. I saw some people staring in total disbelief at what we were doing but luckily they just kept walking. I would’ve given anything to see the look on Steven’s face when he saw his precious baby with a fresh coat of paint but we had to get out of there before someone grabbed us. I wanted to give Steven a good look at what it truly means to wreck your marriage. To get your marriage up to cruising speed and then slam it into a wall without your passenger wearing a seatbelt. The bird shit on top was icing.